23 November 2018
When my partner and I co-authored a blog about our life, sailing a 56 ft. sailboat, and facing my Parkinson’s, we agreed that no matter what, we would be honest. Our blogs might not always be funny, and in fact not many were, but they would be honest and real.
So “Second Star on The Right” was born. It followed our lives and love from December 1, 2016, the night I suffered a traumatic fall on the boat, through three surgeries, complications that continue to threaten the vision in my remaining eye, worsening Parkinson’s symptoms, bills, work, and …
It also followed us as we sailed a glorious boat in the San Juan Islands, through winters in Victoria, BC, summers and falls in the high desert country of Oregon, and a phenomenal summer spent cruising to Alaska and back.
Sadly and tearfully it ended when he decided he did not want to have the rest of his life defined by being my caretaker. He did not want a marriage-type relationship, he said. There were more things for him to do. The tears refused to stop as I packed up the archaeology of my life and time spent in his house and prepared to move back in with my sons. In the meantime, he boxed up my boat life.
My heart has ached with the knowledge that I will never sail with him again, never communicate in our secret language, dock the boat, set the anchor, raise and reef the sails as we race a storm. Lay quietly together at the end of the day.
Raw as those emotions continue to be, I have come to the conclusion that this loss will not be the focus of my next blog, of the next chapters of my life.
I hope my life continues to include him. I hope we can both be happy.
In the meantime, I am going to take care of me, those who depend on me and on whom I depend. I’ve learned a lot about strength, pain, and loss, the value of smiling through it all, of attitude, hope, and grace.
I will slip up. I will stumble. I always have. But I hope you will join me, share your stories, successes and failures. And together maybe we can replace grief with joy, worry with trust, and sorrow with cheer.
P.S. If you’d like to see what came before now, please visit http://ontillmorning.us/