I Can See

One week after cataract surgery, and I am still at a loss for words. I feel like I’ve been working so hard to keep it together. To be strong. Positive. Fierce.

Only to have my best laid plans go awry. Awry? I just thought, More like blown to smithereens.

But now, one week after cataract surgery, I can still see. And I am grateful beyond words. Every time I see something familiar for the first time, I say a little prayer to the universe. Because even though the fight not to go blind is not over, I feel like I have won a decisive victory and been given such a gift of both sight and friendship.

My beautiful friends sent love and laughter, jokes, and powerful good thoughts. They found dog gates, and brought Friday and Dasher treats. They cooked wonderful food for us, and stayed to chat. They have helped me get to the boxing gym, and tai chi, and the doctor’s office. Some of us are calling this the dry run for February, which it likely is, I am just calling it phenomenal.

Some people who have had cataract surgery say they didn’t really remember how things looked before, so any change wasn’t much of a surprise.

I have been acutely aware of what I was missing.

Everything was covered by gray shadows that blotted out the details, colors, and nuances. Bringing pain as I held my hand over my eye to shield it from the sun, headlights, and bright city lights. Bringing fear as I walked so carefully up and down stairs, curbs, across streets, my lack of depth perception compounded by the two-dimensional world I was seeing. Bringing uncertainty as I found it difficult to recognize emotions and details on the faces around me.

But now it’s clear and sharp and beautiful again. (Well, except up close, but I am 58.) As I have been walking – around my neighborhood with Friday, through the mall this morning by myself, seeing the leaves and reading the signs I had not been able to – I remember the last part of my conversation with Dr. Nanji. And I smile.

Ok, so, I’m good.

And I can box.

And dance.

And run.

And sail.

I sigh with relief, thankful for the love that has brought me to this point and the love that will carry me forward.

I can see.