Mornings

I am always awake at 4:00 am. It must be my witching hour, or the hour I was born, or perhaps, will die. Something tugs me awake at this time and I am most often grateful when I heed the call. There is a time before dawn when the sky plays tricks on us, making... Continue Reading →

Isolation

I have been diagnosed with COVID-19. It happened so quickly. Last Tuesday I had to be at OHSU’s Center for Health and Healing to take the COVID-19 test. It’s required right before surgery and I was told they were pretty busy so it was best to arrive early. 6:30am was early enough; I was finished... Continue Reading →

To Keep from Disappearing

I have been trying hard not to disappear. To find a purpose in life during these times when I could just fade away, quietly step back, and few would notice or miss me for quite a long while. I have always been a helper, a communicator, an organizer, a leader. But I am also tired,... Continue Reading →

Beyond Words

I am beyond words. For a writer and a teacher, that’s a strange place to be. I started writing a blow-by-blow description of my retinology appointment today, but I can’t. Just know that at the time it was happening, I managed to make it to the elevator before completely falling apart. Dr. Lin is beside... Continue Reading →

Lucky

Just because you don’t believe in something, doesn’t mean it’s not real. Or true. I used to believe I was lucky. When I was a child, I was often hurt. I bruised easily, fell frequently, took more than my share of tumbles. But every time I got back up, I thought, “Whew, that could have... Continue Reading →

I Can See

  One week after cataract surgery, and I am still at a loss for words. I feel like I’ve been working so hard to keep it together. To be strong. Positive. Fierce. Only to have my best laid plans go awry. Awry? I just thought, More like blown to smithereens. But now, one week after... Continue Reading →

Trying Again

We all have burdens to carry. Some of us carry heavier burdens, some carry more. It’s easier for me to carry mine close inside, where few people see them. So when I am asked the ubiquitous “Hi, how’s it going?” I am reminded to never ever answer truthfully. Yes, I realize the question is most... Continue Reading →

To See the Stars

The challenges are relentless. But it’s not in my nature to ask “Why me?” I’ve always known that I didn’t have a special pass from the Fate Department. No “get out of jail free” card. No winning raffle ticket. I have, however, wondered just who, and in what lifetime or universe, I made so angry... Continue Reading →

To See You Again

22 October 2019 I have spent so much time these past months responding to quesitons of, “See it? It’s right over there.” And then the helpful reiteration in different words, often followed by gestures to indicate the exact location of whatever they want me to see. “Do you see it?” “No. I can’t see it.”... Continue Reading →

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